I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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