I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
