I think I am morally bankrupt
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
