brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
