my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
