I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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