Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
