Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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