I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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