What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
