Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were destined to go to rehab together
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
