This girl is more easily done than said...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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