and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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