my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
