guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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