u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
