I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize