he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
