If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
