Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize