i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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