i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found your dick twin last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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