U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
