By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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