all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
