do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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