this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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