The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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