You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
