I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize