i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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