Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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