i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
