someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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