She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
