Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
