JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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