I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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