i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
