so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
