About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
