OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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