i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
God, I missed his penis.
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