**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
