i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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