That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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