plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
