The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everclear isn't food dammit
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize