I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
