My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
