Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
