Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
