In the future we'll all be gay
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
