Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
too bad you live with your parents still
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Watching her eat just hurts me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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