He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
