Porn is love you can see.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
