And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
