oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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