By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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