the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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