need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
