Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
