I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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