Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize