i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
